NEWS 18 JANUARY 2005

IRAQ SOLDIER ASSAULT GUILTY CHARGE
One of three UK soldiers accused of assaulting Iraqi civilians has pleaded guilty to one charge of assault at a court martial in Germany. The incident occurred in May 2003 in Basra at the aid camp known as Camp Bread. The three soldiers face nine charges of assault in all.

CHILD ACCESS LAW CHANGE
After feeble attempts to break into the Celebrity Big Brother house last week by the Father Rights Liberation Front whatever (you know, those jokers who dress up like Spider-man infringing on Marvel Comics many copyright laws), new proposals to the Child Access Laws include electronically tagging the children in order to know their whereabouts at all times. That rights I say, get these future hoodlums used to what faces them in adult life and house imprisonment. Begs the question however, surely most normal people would desire a law that means they have to spend less time with their offspring, surely not more! Whatever happened to “staying together for the sake of the kids”, I ask you.

BIG FUCK OFF VIRGIN
Richard Branson has been unveiling plans for the world’s biggest jumbo jet, the Airbus A380, the jet that matches his ego! The proposed aeroplane is actually known whether it can actually take off yet and apparently will have room to seat 900 passengers but plans are afoot to provide seating space for 555 passengers and include further fringe benefits such as double beds, a gym and a standing bar area. So as a result, the mile high club will no longer be so much of a challenge and neither will indulging in a bit of air rage and Britons will begin to get used to around the day licensing (and even easier binge drinking sessions) from being up in the sky. And the final word is that a number of airports will not have the capacity or big enough run ways with which to accommodate the jumbo. So all in all, right now it doesn’t really seem a very good idea does it?

RACE HATE REFERRALS UP BY 13%
Surely this matches the rise in other races though? More cars = more car crime? More races = more race crime? It does not justify or validate the crime it but the math won’t lie, sadly it is just “one of those things”.

STORMS HIT THE UK
With weather stories very much in vogue at the moment, the morning news bombarded the nation with tales of snow in the North (primarily Ireland and Scotland) and promised threats of the weather coming South (according to the media the only part of the UK that matters really) very soon. Note to news people: it won’t be our tsunami.