NEWS 10 JANUARY 2005

NEW YEARS EVE KILLING
The sad murder that occurred in Cambridge on New Years Eve took another turn as yesterday it was discovered that the man who murdered poor Sally Gleason turned out to be a soldier who committed suicide by jumping out of a seventh floor hotel room in Glasgow.

TSUNAMI IN ASIA
Tony Blair has announced that British casualties have officially risen to 453.

EXTRA TROOPS SENT TO IRAQ
400 extra British troops are to be sent to Iraq ahead of the election announces defence secretary Geoff Hoon. Another untimely knock to our Soldier town’s liquor and porn industries.

BROWN SOUGHTS TRUCE?
It has been reported today that Gordon Brown last night called for a truce with Tony Blair over the labour party crown. Instead he, apparently, desires the crown that Lisa I’Anson was forced to wear on Celebrity Big Brother.

CHARLOTTE CHURCH KICKING FAT ARSE
It is reported in The Sun today that Charlotte Church is taking up karate in order to battle the flab. Now is that why there is a dragon on the Welsh flag, because they’re all into martial arts?