NEWS 4 FEBRUARY 2005

TRUANTS GET BACK TO SCHOOL!
Truancy has not fallen despite £885m having been spent on boosting attendance. GMTV was classic this morning by featuring some pond life girl refusing to go to school because they wouldn’t let her take her mobile phone or wear make up. Kids today don’t they’re fucking born!

CONDOLEEZZA RICE VISITS
Condoleezza Rice has visited with Tony Blair and Jack Straw and has insisted that attacking Iran is “not on the agenda”. Most people weren’t aware that it was (or might be). Condoleezza: you would.

MUMPS EPIDEMIC HITS KIDS
Better than a bus though I guess.